The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given
by the California Department of Transportation's driving school. Only in America.
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit faced to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.
Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would be tough to be a dickhead all day long.
A Garda pulled a car over and told the man driving
that he was going 80 km in a 50 km zone.
"I was only going 50!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the Garda said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the Garda said.
With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said,
'Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when
he's been drinking."
A Priest is driving down to Wexford one Sunday Morning to say another Mass and he's stopped at Ferrycarraig on suspicion of speeding. The
Garda smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an
empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you
And the Priest says, "Just water."
The Garda says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
And the Priest looks down at the bottle and says, "Good
Lord, He's done it again!"
POPE WANTS TO DRIVE
Pope Benedict (Benny) is on the way home from some Religious function when he asks his waiting Limo Driver if he can drive for a change. The Limo Driver is unsure as he knows Benny doesn't have a License. But Pope Benny pleads promising the driver a place in heaven and a meeting with the main man God after he dies. So the driver reluctantly agrees.
So Pope Benny drive off but loses the run of himself and reaches speeds of 150 km. "Jesus Christ slow down will ya" shouts the scared Limo Driver. "I'm not Jesus" says Pope Benny, just call me your holyness. But then a Police Car pulls them over but is totally shocked when he looks inside the car. Before Benny or the driver have a chance to explain the Policeman radios his boss to tell him he's stopped someone very important. His boss doesn't care but the Policeman says "But Chief this guy is REALLY IMPORTANT, I think its God".
"What the hell makes you think you've stopped God?" says the Chief. "Because he's got the Pope as his Limo Driver".
Two wrong's don't make a right, but three left's do.